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That dirty old man!

I visited my 97 year-old great aunt again for dinner last night. 

As we spent 10 minutes walking out of the dining room with her walker, we eventually passed this old man who had been eying her the entire night. 

He started the conversation with my great aunt right off the bat with "Since my wife just left the table I can now say this: if I were 50 years younger and so were you.... Or better yet, if I was 20 and you were 17, then I would come knocking at your door." 

"What?" my confused aunt asked.

The nearby nurse replied, "He says you're VERY kind." 

That dirty old man! 

Worth the Words

"A being breathing thoughtful breath,

A traveler between life and death."

Going

I've been asked "So what are your plans for after college?" for the 72nd time as of today. 

I don't even know 72 people, yet alone I haven't spoken to more than 20 people within the past two weeks including the two customer service agents I called today. 

I need to give myself a title, coin a phrase, something obscure but not questionable. Something catchy. 

Something other than: I'm going to use my bilingual skill in some form in some type of business because I majored in Business and Spanish. 

And something other than the process of elimination. You can cross doctor, web designer, and serial killer* off your list of "acceptable professions." 

*serial killing is considered as an acceptable profession because its method is based on most company mottos, and it employs tact

I also don't need it to sound too new-age. 

I am Katie. My profession is. I am a. And I do. 

I conducted a social experiment on a few Argentines I met while speaking/"studying/"learning Spanish in Argentina. Inebitably, whenever I introduced myself as a student, I was always asked what I was studying. This baffled me for some reason, as it was quite clear to me that even though I could have been studying an actual profession to which others might study abroad, it would seem illogical that they wouldn't also simultaneously study Spanish. As it was, I was there purely for Spanish - to take random classes in Spanish, to live with a family, to do an internship with a local business, basically to survive - in the middle of the night on a weekend downtown finding a taxi, buying pears at the neighborhood fruit stand, giving speeches in Spanish without notecards in actual classes- on their language. 

I grew so weary of the "oh, of course you are here to learn Spanish" response that I began replying, "I'm a writer." The story unfolds right there, can't you see it! I'm already interesting. Others have succeeded off of this profession, and I am guaranteed that I will too. *As it is, I wouldn't be an "attempted murderer" because that reduces my success rate. 

What am I going to do after I graduate? 

What am I going to pre-label my success to be? 

Where am I going?

Well, I'm going. Isn't that more mysterious, more momentous, more monumentous! 

Cinturón

The moment I thought all of my songs comprised the word "corazón," they didn't. I've never heard the word "cinturón" so many times in one car ride's worth of radio time. 

Looks like I'll be sticking my mano in your cinturón next time we go for a drive..... car safety, guys. 

I'm not an absolute prick.

On a positive note: I haven't gotten a single 7-hour migrane in over a month! 

At most, I'm still enrolled.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha. Ha. Ha. 

That's like what? The mole power to the 15th frustration I've had with my university's employees saying they'd put me on a list or would do something for me, and then I find out that nope, I just have to call five different people, print, fill out, and email several pages, track down people, and save my ass again. Because obviously no one keeps records or gets the info processed and into the system. 

Hey, give me access, and I could even do it myself.

Good thing I keep every email. 

This isn't even Argentina, where everything is rightly excused for being "desorden y desorganizado." 

I get it. People make mistakes. 

Too many mistakes. 

Insomyerba

I suppose 'twould be too much to ask for decaffeinated yerba. 

1. Mate is highly caffeinated. 

2. The tea is a diuretic. 

3. A liter before bed was not my brightest of ideas. 

While I wait for the caffeine to wear off and for my bladder to fill, Borges penetrates my semi-lucid insomnia. 

Brazzi, come to my brazos

"You are like a hungry child who is given ravioli to eat. `No' you say, `I want beefsteak!"

Thank you Rossano Brazzi, the most wholisticaly attractive man who ever existed. Gregory Peck, don't worry, you are second in line. 

Fish and weed

My mom said to me as she was walking out the door, "I'm going to go get your sister and go buy the fish and the weed."

Ahahahahahahahaha

As in my sister is buying fish and plants for her fish tank. 

A phrase I once heard in my brain when I was thinking of you

If you are an accessory in all of this: yes, I will burn you too. 

"Those R. C.'s... get them!"

I visited my 97 year old great aunt in the nursing home yesterday. She might be barely kickin,' but she still has some wit and true colors left, even in her "barely there" state of mind. 

They say you should never go along with a confused person because that just adds more confusion, but how could I not go along with my great aunt when she decided that plotting against a race and religion was necessary. The absurdity touched my intrigue. 

All of a sudden, she burst out, "(you) have to watch out for those R. C.'s." 

By the way it was pronounced, I thought she meant "areses." 

And then I realized that R.C. stood for Roman Catholic. 

And then I added "Presbyterians, Lutherans, 7th Day Adventists, Baptists, jihadists...."

With a satisfied look down her nose she scoffed out a meek "we'll have to discuss that at our next meeting." 

I said "of course, I'll organize for each of the groups to be represented, and then we'll arrange the groups and decide which ones will go to heaven, and which ones we will have to obliterate with Guns and Bayonets on the first of next month." 

With that reply, she was satisfied, and we resumed our original conversation about beta fish. 

There was no filter on her remarks steaming from her subconscious. She thought I was ugly. Great, my entire life my great aunt has thought me as an ugly looking child, but wouldn't dare to say so because she had a filter. 

Keep hydrated

Third cup of coffee

Fourth cup of tea

Second cup of spiced tea

Finishing the first liter of Mate

Sorry I never drink water. Winter. Happens. 

Hate mail, my dear neighbors

I am not mad at the lawn care service, however I might send hate mail to my neighbors after their lawn care service began mowing at 7:30am this Saturday morning, like every other Saturday morning. This was the last straw. 

My only day to sleep in, thanks a lot. 

Well then.

I know

you think

I wonder

if you think 

of me. 

Well, that's enough to start off my day. 

Instantly gramful, my friends

That odd moment when you realize that you've had more conversations with your Instagram friends in a day than you have had with your real life friends in two weeks.

I suppose Instagram is where extreme talents and interests unite.

I find myself thinking, "Gosh, if I ever went to Vancouver I'd want to hang out with you."

I also find myself slightly offended if ever my usual followers don't like any of my photos for days -- I suppose that we all go on vacation -- but my kindred-spirited friends mustn't disappear for too long! I start to worry!

I'd like to know the success rate of Instagram engagements.

Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, or simply medical expenses stress-free

I have been debating for quite some time now (after a few life adjustments and changes) to which political party I offered support, and it wasn't until I was attempting to fall asleep one night that a revelation of my favors developed.

You see, I've got a slight heart condition that I believe to be worsening; however, I quickly deny my belief upon realization that I simply can't afford the medical bill to cover further studies of my ailment. Sure, my insurance will cover a good bit, and there's also a good bit I'd still have to offer up. A good bit my slightly above minimum wage salary and no additional expenses whatsoever lifestyle can afford.

You see, I just can't afford my curiosity.

I've experienced the private sector of socialized healthcare while studying in Argentina, and I'd have to say that while I initially paid a lump sum, every medical expense thereafter was accounted for, and hope could be found, no matter how serious the problem or procedure.


I will recall this thought upon the next elections.

For now, I am still not for Partido "K."

Love is in this cold front, somewhere

Tis the season to be engaged, graduated, and newly-married! As I genuinely congratulate and am happy for my friends and Facebook acquaintances, COME ON!!

I still have high-school acne, yet alone I can't even begin to be hopeful in finding my mate before my child-bearing days are over!

As I hide my hideous face in my unemployed hole, grateful that not a soul in my city has bothered to request my presence.

My daily activities include rabbit-chasing on Wikipedia with the original search as an 11th century French Chief of State.

I might venture to the museum to stare at the same painting for an hour at a time.

So, congratulations in one big greeting card!

I'll be on Pinterest re-pinning everything you all have already checked off your lists of things to do for this year: wear flannel, find a decent man, celebrate Thanksgiving, get engaged, graduate from college, get married, and celebrate Christmas.

Happy New Years, y'all. I'm ready.

Thanks for the fish

I would like to express my gratitude for all of the gifts I have been gifted over the years. 

Seriously, I have not thrown a thing away! Call me a pack rat or a hoarder, your gift has gone to no waste, my friends. 

I have never bought a single scarf or necklace or pair of earrings for myself -- except for the few souvenirs I picked up for myself in Argentina, and now I am the owner of 17 scarves and a hefty and heavy box of jewelry. 

Even though I have enough jewelry, I can never have too much, so don't hold back if you all forgot my 21st birthday this year besides three family friends or this upcoming Christmas.

So yes, I have a lot, and yes I sound completely materialistic right now, but it is because of you all anyways. I've tried to be a minimalist, but I can never be rude and turn down a gift. 

I should really just come out and tell people what I would like instead of leaving my sense of fashion up to the public, but what I really want is the usual jar of Kalamata Olives and a few odd Ayn Rand and Virginia Woolf books from Half Price that I've had my eye on since last week. Sorry my life is so simple to me. 

Thanks for giving this hopelessly fashion less gal some fashion sense. 

Also, I have kept every card that has ever been given to me -- all of the cards that are more than a pre-printed Hallmark verse with a mere signature at the bottom. Seriously, your kind words go farther than your autograph. 

And if you can manage to send me words without a gift, then bless you - you've discovered my soul. 

God Save the Queen

My mom yelled "Katie, Katieeeeee" from the end of the house. 

I lept from my warm, sunny reading repose and ran to the TV room where she was on the phone and holding the TV remote in the other hand. 

I honestly thought that The Queen had died. Why else would my mom be on the phone to her British friend while trying to get the TV to work? 

And then I realized that she wanted me to record House. 

The Queen is alive, have no fear, peasants.