Moratorium: The Burden

It is a burden, really. It is too heavy for me.

1 Corinthians.

2: 14 "The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned."

3:9 "We are God's fellow workers."

3:16 "We are God's temple."

So

"It is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful." 

"My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me." 4:2-4

Well then, to make you listen,

"Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?" 4:20

1 Timothy

Make no mistake,

"Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst." 1:15

Why is it so difficult for this to be done?

"The head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God."  1 Corinthians 11:3 

"woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman" 11:11  ..... you shouldn't be independent of each other. Why do you wish to be thus separated?

Headstrong, dear one

"Stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not vain." 15:58

I am torn.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men?" Galatians 1:10

Take note, spirit.

2 Timothy

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self discipline."

Gumption, Katie. Gumption.

"So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord... by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done, but because of his own purpose and grace." 1:8

Please, join me in this

"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

It is difficult to work in the fields

"People will be lovers of themselves...." 3:2

While simultaneously

"Have nothing to do with them." 3:5

It must be done

"Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction." 4:2

This is my dilemma.

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. Bit if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church,..." Matthew 18:15

Again and again. The person has to decide to change himself. It is his CHOICE.

Unfortunately.

"... treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector." v.17

Difficult it may be, I will be your Hosea.

The Lord provides.

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." Psalm 37:7

And I hand it to the Lord.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

If the Lord brings us to it, he will bring us through it.

Moratorium: lark

lark 29

Moratorium: My List

I had a list. It was a very nice list. It was the kind of list that keeps my world in progression of completing tasks, some tasks weighing more in importance, but a task is a task nonetheless.

I lost my list. I lost my very nice list. It was the kind of loss that rudely interrupted my world of a natural progression of duties and responsibilities, some duties more pressing than others, but nonetheless, a duty is a part of the inevitable and must be done.

Lost, that is what I am. Lost. I have no guidance, and I can no longer prioritize my duties.

The irony in this unfortunate situation of my momentum's demise is that upon completing one of the duties on my list, I took out the trash and threw away my list. It was not a ploy to discard the inevitable. When I wrote "Clean and Organize Life" on my list, I didn't so much intend to throw away my very important scrap paper list while I was at it.

Perhaps the gods of Lists are telling me to clean up my list.

So here I am, listless because I am list-less.

Moratorium: Dear Humanity, build.

My faith in humanity often succumbs to the vicious cycle of first being disappointingly destroyed and then being respectfully rebuilt. Destroy, Rebuild, and Repeat, it seems.

It is not rebuilt by those who destroyed it in the first place; rather, a more pleasant character reveals themselves at the seemingly opportune time of despair to rebuild what someone else has torn down, a certain code of humanity that has been violated.

I can only hope that more people would leave their destroying propensities and cleave to what is right, what so dearly deserves to be sought after as a lifestyle of pleasant surprises. You must adhere to the code: character, integrity, ambition, consistency, a daily thirst for the waters of replenishing knowledge and perspective, reciprocated intrigue, a moral conscience, conscientious behavior, imagination with a flair of skepticism, positivism with a hint of cynicism, honesty with a dash of grace (blunt truth of reality included), quick wit and clever humor (obscene welcomed in moderation) - just to name a few.

When the aforementioned are lost, so is my hope in humanity. I thank those who CHOOSE to exercise these beautiful qualities of humanity. You give humanity a peace of mind, a peace in my mind.

Fit this into the mix, and you might understand:

"Now here we are, making copies in steel and concrete of copies in plaster of copies in marble of copies in wood. Why?"

Moratorium: no bird's bane

what created this void?

I'd like to generalize by saying that everyone has had this moment in their lives, one time or another.
That being said, you know what I am talking about.

Life comes to a standstill. You've lost all motivation to do ANYTHING, or rather perhaps just confusion in the end result. Coming from a generally motivated person, I even surprised myself as I sit here, doing nothing, pondering nothing.

My stack of books to read rises higher every day. My crafting supplies of crafts to do pile up. I wear the same outfit every day. I eat cucumbers, avocados, and grapes, and I take 12-14 vitamins. [someone buy me a healthy hamburger or large burrito or an indian buffet, please, I'm starving. stupid healthy food, never quite fills you up. supplements just don't seem to cut it.] I work 10 hours a day, and after the day I worked 17 hours, I decided that I'd take a day, a day to do what? I did nothing because I felt that if I was taking the time for a break that I should actually take the break.

"Give a busy person a job, and they'll get it done." - one of my mantras.
I'm not busy "breaking;" therefore, I cannot get anything done.

Upon my break, I felt restless because I wasn't doing a thing. Relaxing vacations are so difficult because it is hard to settle down, to go from running 100 miles a minute to doing absolutely nothing.

I know that when I am back to being busy I will regret not taking full advantage of the break, and I will wish for the break's return.

Why must my mind not be put at ease? Why must I anticipate the commotion during my quiet peace.

Why am I driven to insanity not taking pleasure of what I take pleasure in when I do when have absolutely no time at all.

I can multitask, but I cannot simply "task."

Therefore, my uplifting jargon of "nothings" satisfies its own bane of existence, because I take great satisfaction in being busy. Because this "void of busy" has been created, I cannot fill it with what I wish to, because I do not wish to take pleasure in leisure.

Being leisure is like wasting my time. I wish to finish my hours of leisure not being leisure, I want to get things done.

So why then, can I not get anything done?
I need more to fill this void. I need more tasks. I need more motivation. I need to stop going over this in a very round-about way completely contradicting myself and over-generalizing.

I have a lot that I wish to get done. I do not wish to be wasteful. I wish to wake up and jump start my day. The only way I can is if I rise before the birds. That way, I can take pleasurable leisure in listening to them beckon the faint daylight of the dawn. After I have taken a little dose of leisure, first thing, then I will be able to trot along at full speed.

I just need a little momentum to get me going again.

Moratorium: canino

cave canem.

Moratorium: Two Decades

Upon everyone's twentieth birthday, I offer my obligatory congratulations and take great pleasure in sending forth an ominous sentiment of a simple "Two Decades" reminder.

Upon my very own twentieth birthday, I realized that it would not be two decades at all. It would, in fact, be the close of my second and beginning of my third.

Please make no mistake in assuming that I had not completely realized this; rather, it was my own definition's lack of clarity that calls for this explanation. I intend for my remark to be about the closing.

I hastily searched for a little "something something" for this grand closing of the decades, and lo and behold, a perfectly ominous poem rose from the ashes. It perfectly construes the ominousness of which this looming notion derives.

What have you done in your Decennali Segundo (two decades)? Machiavelli might be all for employing  ill-will in order to gain power, where I am not; however, he does make quite an argument with valid points. I suppose the question really boils down to whether or not you can really achieve power without. If you think that you do, then how sad you must be! Must you take pride in another's defeat!

Set forth into your third with gracious gumption!