Here, take this ladder, and climb it. Then climb all the way to the top and proceed to tear down all of the Christmas crap people have zip tied to the plastic tree that is hazardous to our environment. AND DON'T BREAK ANYTHING. And make sure you inhale the glitter, wear the static flocking in your hair, and slit your wrists with the garland.
Here is a tin of leftover Christmas re-gifted popcorn.
CONSIDER THIS HORRENDOUS JOB DONE.
1. Plastic Christmas trees will never, I repeat NEVER, fit back into their original boxes.
2. Pre-lit trees always bust, and you'll end up restringing by next year.
3. I hate snowmen and small child-size figures of Santa Claus. Creepy.
4. Garland is nice, but it gets dirty, dusty, and it might as well attract termites, lice, or maggots. Because it sucks that much.
5. Christmas tree ornaments are a great gift, but never gift one to me. If everybody did that, every year, then I would have a lot of crap. Please, no Christmas-themed ANYTHING, if you can help it. It will accumulate because I have this terrible problem about not being able to throw anything away. A snowflake Waterford Crystal glass every now and then might be accepted, MIGHT.
6. I'm all about the lights. Especially if they are not tangled. If they are tangled, hang them as tangled. Life is not perfect, and your strand of lights will not be either. Deal.
7. When it comes to Christmas decorations, less is more. Even in a multi-million, billion, home, yes I've been to several these past few weeks, Less Is More. Please, dear rich people who hire people to decorate and undecorate their crap [because they deny their selves the joy of doing it themselves (and family bonding and other honorable joys that it takes to self-run your own home)], understand that I know they say "Go big or go home," but do realize that you are already at a grand home, and you've gone big, too big.
On a lighter note, I am employed, so ye of wealth, order on.
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