So long, and thanks for all the fish

I suck at goodbyes. They always catch me in a panic. I always panic. I could be having a lovely last meal with my friends, and then we find out that the last colectivo for the night leaves in two minutes -- so we throw down the money, hug quickly and ardently, and then part. 

It isn't until I've gathered my bearings in the bus that I realize that I just said goodbye -- forever (maybe not forever, but a few years could feel like it). 

Goodbyes don't have to be a grandiose show, but I usually always lack a certain kind of closure - perhaps that's what can keep the fire buring, but it is still like unfinished business, as in we could have hugged just one more time, or I could have appreciated your essence for five more minutes. 

But it isn't the end that ever counts  -- it's what's in between, the meat of the relationships. 

I'm only ever down on goodbyes because I think some relationships deserve a final hurrah. Will we remember the hurrah? Maybe not, but our subconscious can peacefully rest with the fact that we've honored the relationship and all of the memories at the core. 

I always say All's well that ends well, but that's not entirely true -- for instance, stopping the story at a bad moment, a hiccup in the relationship, a trying time - then it wouldn't be well, and the one terrible ending would be lording over every pure moment anterior. Either we can evaluate by looking back at the entire story, or we can evaluate the present and know that it is good. 

I almost think goodbyes are preposterous in trying to finalize or make sense of anything because the end doesn't even matter. So, sorry we never had a proper goodbye (whatever that is). I really just want to hug you one more time and tell you how much you mean to me. Bye for now, sweet cheeks.