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Trivial Matters
Close friends are expected to compliment each other on what they are wearing, etc.
But anyone outside of the close huddle of normalcy, it is strange.
We are not used to being complimented, even if only on an accessory, and we do not know how to respond.
We are surprised by and appreciate your attention to detail, we really do, and we are flattered. So even if it seems like we are brushing you off, we just simply don't know how to respond. This is the result of having only girl friends.
Now, a change of discourse, we generally try to dress appropriately, and we spend a lot of time on making ourselves presentable. We are almost offended when, after spending an incredible amount of time on ourselves, are complimented. We recognize the fact that we did, in fact, look better than we did yesterday and will tomorrow; however, don't we look nice every day?
It's on the days when we expect it least that it matters most.
Excerpt: "Personally, I believe that flowers should be given on no occasion at all. Why is there only one day allotted for this expression, why not give flowers when your counterpart least expects it, least deserves it. That is the true beauty -- Expected Unexpectedness. However, I do approve of a single day dedicated to the celebration of this beauty. It is actually an excuse to be bold and act out the actions which so deserve to be demonstrated. Not a dozen, one will do just fine, or even a small posy of pansies from the school's garden. The fountain outside of the library has rosemary too."
This is when we feel the most beautiful.
So, we thank you for your compliments, and we are sorry if we do not respond appropriately, because we simply do not know how - we are overwhelmed by your graciousness to boost our confidence.
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True Humanitarian Efforts - beyond the external
And that is why compliments are so trivial, because MOST of the time they are about the physical appearance or objects to enhance what sadly attracts people.
Which would you prefer: to be complimented on your necklace or to be complimented on your character, the real you?
Lets face it, which would take you aback more? And maybe, character doesn't matter at all to you as much as your outfit does, which is so sad. Shame on you for pouring more time into coordinating your outfits and feeling triumph and pride over THAT than that of really investing in striving for excellency, and not being complacent, but really STRIVING. What do you value?
sure sure, compliment on the trivial things, but what will really change a person, and what is really due a person, are the compliments on them, their actions, their inner selves, their haecceity, their personality, character, integrity, their friendship, the list goes on.
I am complimenting you on the joy you bring my life. I am complimenting you on your ambitions, that vivacious spark, to be great. Because you already are, but the fact that you haven't just settled means more. good character.
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Importance of Humanity's Necessities
I've been mulling over this one for some time, and I probably will forever just because I have mixed feelings about this topic. So maybe I should clarify by leaving this as a similar concept:
Elizabeth Barrett Browning's "Sonnets from the Portuguese"
Say over again, and yet once over again,
That thou dost love me. Though the word repeated
Should seem a "cuckoo-song," as thou dost treat it,
Remember, never to the hill or plain,
Valley and wood, without her cuckoo-strain.
Comes the fresh Spring in all her green completed.
Beloved, I, amid the darkness greeted
By a doubtful spirit-voice, in that doubt's pain
Cry, "Speak once more - thou lovest!" Who can fear
Too many stars, though each in heaven shall roll,
Too many flowers, though each shall crown the year?
Say thou dost love me, love me, love me - toll
The silver iterance! - only minding, Dear,
To love me also in silence with thy soul.
Thank you, Barrett, for so eloquently expressing what I cannot, dare not.
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