Moratorium: no bird's bane

what created this void?

I'd like to generalize by saying that everyone has had this moment in their lives, one time or another.
That being said, you know what I am talking about.

Life comes to a standstill. You've lost all motivation to do ANYTHING, or rather perhaps just confusion in the end result. Coming from a generally motivated person, I even surprised myself as I sit here, doing nothing, pondering nothing.

My stack of books to read rises higher every day. My crafting supplies of crafts to do pile up. I wear the same outfit every day. I eat cucumbers, avocados, and grapes, and I take 12-14 vitamins. [someone buy me a healthy hamburger or large burrito or an indian buffet, please, I'm starving. stupid healthy food, never quite fills you up. supplements just don't seem to cut it.] I work 10 hours a day, and after the day I worked 17 hours, I decided that I'd take a day, a day to do what? I did nothing because I felt that if I was taking the time for a break that I should actually take the break.

"Give a busy person a job, and they'll get it done." - one of my mantras.
I'm not busy "breaking;" therefore, I cannot get anything done.

Upon my break, I felt restless because I wasn't doing a thing. Relaxing vacations are so difficult because it is hard to settle down, to go from running 100 miles a minute to doing absolutely nothing.

I know that when I am back to being busy I will regret not taking full advantage of the break, and I will wish for the break's return.

Why must my mind not be put at ease? Why must I anticipate the commotion during my quiet peace.

Why am I driven to insanity not taking pleasure of what I take pleasure in when I do when have absolutely no time at all.

I can multitask, but I cannot simply "task."

Therefore, my uplifting jargon of "nothings" satisfies its own bane of existence, because I take great satisfaction in being busy. Because this "void of busy" has been created, I cannot fill it with what I wish to, because I do not wish to take pleasure in leisure.

Being leisure is like wasting my time. I wish to finish my hours of leisure not being leisure, I want to get things done.

So why then, can I not get anything done?
I need more to fill this void. I need more tasks. I need more motivation. I need to stop going over this in a very round-about way completely contradicting myself and over-generalizing.

I have a lot that I wish to get done. I do not wish to be wasteful. I wish to wake up and jump start my day. The only way I can is if I rise before the birds. That way, I can take pleasurable leisure in listening to them beckon the faint daylight of the dawn. After I have taken a little dose of leisure, first thing, then I will be able to trot along at full speed.

I just need a little momentum to get me going again.