How To Pee In The Ocean

Every beach-goer's dilemma: having to pee.

You've been beaching for the past 3 hours, and it would be such a hassle to pack everything up, trek back through the sand, and locate the bathroom that is half a mile down the coast.

YOUR ONLY OPTION: the ocean
it has salt, it is cleansing, and the fish use it as a bathroom too - so it logically makes sense, right?

YOUR DILEMMA: how to

Peeing in the ocean is not the same as peeing in a pool, quite the contrary.
You have to worry about the crashing waves, how far out to go, how to make it look like you're not going in just to pee, and of course, the sharks - the ocean is full of sharks.

... fear of sharks and other creatures thanks to River Monsters


The only thing you don't have to worry about is covering it up once you actually do the deed. The waves take care of that for you.

The steps you must take in order to effectively relieve your blood bladder beast of trow (Hitchhiker's reference) in the ocean:

1. Exclaim loudly about how you are getting hot and might go in for a quick dip. If you can find a friend to accompany, even better (as long as they don't know your intentions to shamelessly use them so you can pee).
2. Once the water is past your knees, exclaim that you must now get all the way in because you don't want to have to apply sunscreen to your sandy feet once you get out, and by going further in and washing your whole body, the sunscreen dilemma will be solved.
3. Observe the waves (height of crashing, the breaking point location)
4. Position yourself between the break and the almost breaking latitude in order to create a chaotic externality that forces you to be pulled down (this way you can "cover it up").
5. Go for it.
6. And relax, don't forget to relax.
7. Afterwards, groom your hair, and pretend like the series of under-towing waves were not warranted (another precaution cover-up).

And Whallah! You have peed in the ocean, and you can keep hydrating and you won't have  to worry about packing up your pow-wow every 3 hours.

The beach is at your disposal, literally.